(Kafkateach could not manage the impossible and find a teacher appropriate image for a blog post involving dildos. I will never do another Google image search with the word “dildo” in it. I am now permanently traumatized.)

In news that was so mundane by Miami standards it didn’t even make it into the Miami Herald, a dance teacher at a charter grade school in Hialeah was fired after throwing a dildo themed surprise story for a former student. Had it not been for the tabloid quality journalistic reporting of the NY Post, this story may have slipped under the Kafkateach radar

If there ever was to be a news story about a teacher throwing a dildo themed surprise party for a student, you know that story would have to be coming out of Florida, most likely at a charter school, in the anything goes zip code of Hialeah. Apparently the school choice movement does not protect parents and their children from teacher predators who think vagina shaped birthday cakes and penis shaped birthday hats are age appropriate for 11 year olds. But don’t worry school choice loving parents, there was no teachers’ union to protect the dance teacher who was quickly fired.

Mater Lakes Academy in Hialeah is a charter school run by Academica, the same chain with family ties to the now disgraced tax evading former state legislator from Miami  Erik Fresen, who also headed the education commission.

Charter schools in Miami have a long history of throwing questionable parties. In 2011, one Miami charter school was accused turning into a nightclub on the weekends and students were greeted with beer bottles in the hallways come Monday morning

Given the turnover rate for charter schools and the hundreds of millions of public school tax dollars lost upon their closure, you would think that the Florida legislature might reconsider its decision to increase capital funding for charter schools.

Despite any evidence that charter schools perform any better than traditional public schools, the state of Florida continues to fund and expand a parallel system. A deregulated system that operates at the expense of traditional public schools with an underlying profit motive that often leads to corruption. A system that demands cheap labor because educating children can turn into an expensive business, especially if qualified and trained professionals are to be hired. After over a decade of underfunding public schools and decimating the teaching profession, it is a forgone conclusion that teacher quality in Florida would fall into the abyss. A dildo themed birthday party at a charter school in Florida is really no surprise at all.