cruise ship

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS FAKE NEWS BUT IT MIGHT NOT BE TOO FAR OFF FROM THE TRUTH BASED ON SEVERAL SCHOOL DISTRICTS IN SOUTH FLORIDA PROPOSING SOLUTIONS TO THE TEACHER HOUSING CRISIS.

A South Florida school district held a press conference today to announce a creative and elegant solution to the affordable housing crisis for teachers.  The superintendent known for innovation and promoting private/public partnerships with the school district has entered a ten year cruise ship leasing program with a major South Florida cruise company.

“This is a win, win solution for all parties involved. Teachers will have an affordable place to call home, cruise companies will find a utilitarian and environmentally friendly use for their outdated ships, the school district can continue to recruit and retain the best and the brightest teachers without increasing their salaries, and the average  homeowner will see a cut in their property taxes.”

Under the plan, the school district will pay $100,000 a year to lease 5 outdated cruise ships that will remain docked in the city port. The superintendent estimates he will be able to house almost half of his workforce on the five ships where teachers will pay an all inclusive monthly fee of $800.

The $800 a month charge will be deducted directly from teachers’ paychecks and will include breakfast and dinner buffets, free wi-fi (district monitored of course), and free access to the gym and pool areas.

“It’s like taking an all inclusive cruise for only $800 a month! Alcohol excluded of course,” joked the charismatic superintendent.

As one school board member explained, “With the soaring price of real estate and the lack of land available to build affordable teacher housing, we turned towards the next frontier in affordable housing, aquatic barges! As an added bonus the district will not have to worry about the astronomical cost of flood insurance.”

The forward thinking superintendent known for cost efficient strategies sees an added bonus to the cruise ships, “As the teacher shortage worsens in Florida, the district may have to look abroad for its future workforce and the cruise ships can double during the summer months as an affordable mode of mass transportation for overseas recruits.”

While the teachers’ union has expressed some concern over potential issues with teachers getting sea sick, norovirus outbreaks, and the occasional teacher falling overboard, the union president endorsed the superintendent’s solution as “honoring the work of educators by providing them with a cruising experience they might otherwise not be able to afford.”

Advertisements